Loosening "Belief"

The bible text for this week’s sermon can be found at https://bible.oremus.org/?ql=518080649

"The Doubt of St. Thomas" - by He Qi

I’m a year older than Tim Tebow, the 2007 Heisman Trophy winner and NFL Quarterback who famously (or infamously) had John 3:16 written on his eye black and would take a knee on the field…”for God” as the story goes.  He and I come from very different religious traditions, but we were steeped in the same waters of American cultural Christendom. I was raised in a church and by Christians who made room for and valued asking questions as part of faith, but he and I both came of age when “whosoever BELIEVES in Him shall have eternal life” was not only plastered on t-shirts and eye black, it became the very measure of morality. BELIEF as the primary emphasis and the ultimate crux of faith became the very lens through which the rest of Christianity was to be understood.  As much as my soul squirms from such a view, it is the air we’ve all been breathing for quite some time.  It has been so prevalent for the last several decades that we have to make an effort to recognize and remember that the idea of “belief” as an unwavering personal intellectual agreement is a relatively recent phenomena. 

I’m going to walk backwards through this text to open it up for us.  “30Now Jesus did many other signs in the presence of his disciples, which are not written in this book. 31But these are written so that you may come to believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that through believing you may have life in his name.” These verses mark the original ending of the Gospel of join and tell us the author’s intent. These sacred stories, these signs and wonders, accompanied by relationship are shared in order to foster belief. They are not written to impress us nor make us cower before God and get in line. The Gospel does not say these words are to give us certainty so that we may lord it over others. Rather belief is something that is held in the intimacy of relationship. It is nurtured BY and a catalyst FOR something beyond itself. Belief is important, but even it is secondary to the God’s ultimate purpose of life. As much as belief shapes this text and this Gospel, it is still only a waystation and not the ultimate goal.  It is simply a means to point us toward the fullness of what life can be. Having this true end in mind helps us to experience the rest of the text.

Let’s keep walking back. Jesus says to Thomas, “Put your finger here and see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it in my side. Do not doubt but believe.” This right here is where the “Doubting Thomas” moniker comes from. This is often used as fuel for the fire of looking down on Thomas, even if we relate to him, because dared articulate questions, needs, anything but certainty which we’ve been convinced is the expectation. But the word “doubt” isn’t actually there. The original Greek word sometimes translated as doubt here, is actually the word “unbelieving.” Do not be unbelieving, but believe. Now, these seem like pretty similar ideas and meanings, but I wonder...does it shift our understanding even in the slightest? 

Doubt and belief are often held not just as polar opposites but mutually exclusive entities. You’re either here or there and never the twain shall meet. But that doesn’t really feel true, does it? It doesn’t really seem true in this story either. It hasn’t always been the way to interpret these ideas. They seem more mixed up into each other than that.

Sixty five years ago, theologian Paul Tillich wrote that “If faith is understood as belief that something is true, doubt is incompatible with the act of faith. If faith is understood as being ultimately concerned, doubt is a necessary element in it. It is a consequence of the risk of faith.” “If doubt appears, it should not be considered as the negation of faith, but as an element which was always and will always be present in the act of faith. Existential doubt and faith are poles of the same reality, the state of ultimate concern. But serious doubt is confirmation of faith. It indicates the seriousness of the concern, its unconditional character.” Essentially, he describes faith and doubt as two sides of the same coin and doubt as evidence that someone cares enough to ask questions and seek ultimate truth, which is to implicitly suggest that we think truth may be found somewhere in here. 

I’ve personally never had much of a filter and as I’ve grown I’ve only chosen to intentionally NOT filter myself for others all the more. I was always the kid who raised their hand in class to ask “too many questions” and I’ve become the adult who still asks “why” even of people in authority. I don’t do it because I don’t respect them; I ask because I genuinely care and want us all to live into the fullness of truth that is true enough to continue even in the face of questions. So I’ve always had a soft spot for Thomas.  All this to say - for those who say “I don’t know what I believe”, you are in good company, holy company, resurrection company. And if you find yourself in a religious system that doesn’t allow for questions, like really allows them and not just humoring you by entertaining them, then that’s a cult and you should get out. 

There’s one more layer I’m curious about in this text. Why are belief and forgiveness placed side by side here? Why is Jesus speaking about them together in the same breath? Again, I think forgiveness is a word and a concept that has been warped over time. Perhaps this sacred story can point us toward something true beyond all that. 

21Jesus said to them again, “Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, so I send you.” 22When he had said this, he breathed on them and said to them, “Receive the Holy Spirit. 23If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained.”

Just as belief doesn’t exist merely for its own sake, but is ultimately tied to the promise and experience of the fullness of life, here forgiveness is wrapped up in the experience of peace and the presence of the Holy Spirit. Without this context it can seem like immense power to hold on to someone’s sin (and we’re pretty good at that), but the irony is that if we hold onto someone’s sin…we’re the ones left holding it. Another translation of this last verse reads “if you loose the sins of any, they are loosed; if you bind the sins of any, they are bound.” Bound and loosed. This loosening is the same word used in healing stories. In the Gospel of Luke, Jesus proclaims to the woman bent and crumpled by pain: “woman you are loosed of your illness.” Perhaps forgiveness then is more about release than it is resolving. It is less dependent on making up and more to do with moving forward, not being stuck and restrained. This week someone shared with me the idea that “forgiveness is letting go of the hope for a better past.” 

Perhaps forgiveness is like letting loose. I don’t know if that makes it any easier, but it does feel truer. Releasing what might have been, what we wish had been. Letting go of expecting ourselves to be other than we are, someone who doesn’t ask questions and just gets on board.

What is resurrection but release? When Jesus wakes a dead and gone Lazarus, the proclamation is to unbind him, let him go. It is a liberation of unraveling. Perhaps it is the release of certainty. Perhaps it is the release of your responsibility for the weight of other’s choices, the release of their power to hold you in one place, of whatever keeps you stuck behind locked doors in fear, shame, or despair.

Where do we see the resurrected Christ, but in moments mixed with fear and peace? In the grace we know at the hand of one another? How will we experience resurrection, forgiveness, release, liberation but in practice? Perhaps by giving voice to the questions gnawing at us from the inside until we let them out? Perhaps like Jesus and Thomas, through intimacy of invitation, touch, and physical connection?  By allowing the wounds and scars of our bodies and souls to be seen and shared? It can be a pretty gnarly business, but what else could going to the grave and back be? 

As I was studying this text with colleagues, someone asked, “who is Thomas’s twin?” Another responded, “it’s us.” We are the ones who did not see Jesus for ourselves in ancient Jerusalem, but perhaps are curious, bold, and believing enough to poke at this story to try and understand and find its truth. The Holy Spirit, the Christ, and the Creator breathe onto, in, and through us as well. May we breathe deeply and notice how it fills and expands us. May we exhale fully and find space for fresh air.